Todd Clouser: Arts Day Out Program

I must say I always took pride in my spelling, and even if I mustn't, I will and am. Unfortunately, that discipline, or at minimum the eye of revision, looks to have escaped me recently. A misspelled word is like a yoga teacher with a machine gun over her shoulder, it can't expect to be listened to. Its also like a a series of foot-size bear traps. The reader's eyes get stuck, take time to be pulled out, and then can't refocus or recall where we were at in the first place, just dragging that hunk of word metal around the serene little path through the forest of fire that we had hoped to carve for them.

Along with my spelling, my English teachers would be ashamed these days. Being friends, business partners, and teachers with and of people of whom the greater majority speak english as a second language has me using phrases such as "no seems", "is good, no?", and all sorts of other short-sentence-spits that would surely have me laughing at myself, was I another.
I hold little hope of recovering from my digressions this summer in a land of many languages, very few of which are mine. However, the first step to recovery is indeed identification and proper consideration of the problem, ain't it (i know)? Segway to next musing.........

im watching the democratic debate --- These are people worth listening to. There are some really interesting and heavy questions between the ridiculous "hand-rasing" questions Wolf Blitzer seems to love to toss out. Edwards seems to be drooling practiced talking
points, throwing rehearsed and intentionally misleading barbs at Clinton and Obama, and to be personally desperate to become president.
Barrack is good. Hillary is good when she relaxes and just talks. The guy
from Alaska leaves a bit to be desired in his presentation skills, if not the depth of his policy initiatives.
Kucinich is consitently Kucinich-ing. The last go round of democtratic primaries (2004) had me thinking Kucinich was one of the most reasoned and refined candidates in his presentation. Goes to show how much stronger this group is than 2004.

All in all, I think its a good group of intelligent and capable candidates.....
and not as greasy feeling as the Re-smug-licans. I think these people actualy have some intention of SERVING THE PEOPLE of their country as opposed to serving themselves, buddies, cohorts and companies. Edwards is the only one
that is really bothering me.
Its nice to see a line of candidates that looks a bit more like America than a corporation's executive boardroom.

It is important we stop considering talking points and begin to consider the point we want to achieve as a country, a society, and as humans. Should we refuse to consider these elemental quests, we do our world, children, and creator a catastrophic disservice. We show ourselves to be nothing other than short-sighted animals of convenience. We're better and more capable.
We have a responsibility to be better than the current news and political hackery. It is of no consequence to our cause as humans.

We are easy prey. Suckers for being told what we want to believe, unwilling to negotiate ourselves through the patience required to address an issue and not subsribe to a soundbite, and more self-identified than our predecessors in the history of humanity. Grand vision come on. Give it to me. Its possible to serve the self and OURselves. Do it and know that we are all contradictions working themselves into reasoned convictions.

This year has been one of the most positive of my life. The last great years I remember were 2003, where I finished my education at Berklee and began recording and writing seriously for the first time, and when I was 17... maybe 98. Those were good years,soiled in change change change, change is cool (I always thought those were the words to that tune).
I concede the timing of this year coda, recapitulation, etc... is strange, thought it feels perfecttly sensible personally. I hot-skipped from the US about a year ago and am just a couple weeks from continent hopping. I feel I've gotten to a point where I can really appreciate some international wandering.... in college it was a bit more like international stumbling. Anyhow.... here's some highlights.... Im using this more for my own purposes and concede that it may be quite a bore for you.

- 2,700 mile Minnesota to Baja Tip
- First proper teaching job teaching elementary music
- Learn scuba dive
- First published writing, albeit in the Baja Properties News.... a kids story about pirates and some informational articles on how not to seem too gringo in Mexico, taught by a gringo
- Loads of private lessons, too many
- Cut student roster size
- Kicked Paxil... that sucked, at a point I really needed it, but I would warn anyone who is perscribed this drug, the withdrawal and mess going off it after the reccomended years of its "therapy" is really tough... downward spiral, weird muscle twitches, big swoons, weird stuff happening with your body. Do the ween, not the cold turkey
- Christmas in palm trees, gain back about 10 of the 17 pounds I lost prior to my American departure, hamburger cookoff with Mexican friends, I lost
- "Baja" Recording sessions.... finally got something recorded right... 8 months later I can still actually listen to it without wanting to destroy it, a first
- Appendix Explosion, birthday in a 4 room hospital, Spanish-speaking doctors, big knives, big scar, MedJet, Kansas City with nuns trying to feed me communion prior to the doctors allowing me to eat (perhaps the only time the body of Christ could actually kill you? ...sorry), lasik surgery, bored in Minnesota healing, 2 day song-demo recording session, skinny and back in Mexico
- Learn Yoga
- Learn Surfing
- "Baja" album release shows, hot and fun, best musicians I've ever played with, cant get enough
- More lessons
- Gaining confidence en mi espanol
- Jazz guitar.. study, practice, some gigs at art gallery, feeling it pulling me, learning its language
- Song Recording Sessions... going to be nice

In the end I feel much more confident than a year ago in my ability to function in, and offer something to this world. It could only come by means of education and experience for me... for that reason I committ to continuing to explore both.
Still awake?

When our dog Wes was a puppy, up until the celebration of his year birthday or so, he used to sit under the piano bench when I practiced or wrote. He would lay perfectly camouflaged by the black piano bench. Whenever I played in the key of D, he would howl..... aaaawooooooooooo..... loudly and in perfect pitch. He'd tilt his neck back, look to the ceiling lights, and just belt. Its a true story, and really only when the note D was involved. Sometimes he'd howl a D over a G chord, a nice match implying he may posess some melodic sensibility. I swear to it. It was amazing. For that reason, a lot of the songs I wrote during that time happen to be in the keys of G and D. It was nice to have his accompaniment.
At some point, he grew out of his singing stage. Its dissapointing. Today when I was doing the vocal tracks in the studio, missing the occasional pitch, I thought of Wes and his remarkable talent for nailing the note without a waver.
Now our piano is out of tune and Wes is out of town. Maybe the piano's pitch is what throws him off. He's picky... just cannot function outside of a pitch perfect environment. Either that or he's surrendered his blissful innocence of youth and traded his uninhibited howl for a life of chasing balls and taking naps. There's a metaphor there.

Hello.... we're back recording with the same band. Me, Adam Linz, Greg Schutte and Benny Weinbeck. We did three days at Fur Seal Studio last week and got tracks for 8 songs. I'm singing on this one. Those guys are so easy and fun to work with. Its nice when those guys really get into the songs, all having played such varying genres and qualities of music over the years. Aside from their playing skills, they're all great arrangers/producers whatever. We did the songs live, all set up in one room... upright bass, drums, grand piano, and one scorching axe played through an amplifier. The live thing manages to keep all the tunes seeming a bit cohesive and its really just more fun, not to mention economical, than the piece by piece track by track way most albums are built these days. You can create some energy in the room. Im gonna go back in a couple weeks and finish up the tunes and hope to have them all touched up by August. I've got some old songs on there that I think are finally getting the treatment they deserve, some new stuff I've written while down here in Mexico, and a couple of the songs we were playing in Rusty Trombones before I fled the country like child from dentist.
Thanks for coming by. I need to write some new poems. Been thinking of other stuff, but Im getting tired of those. Anyway, say hi on the guestbook or write whatever you'd like there.
Smack! Im late for a date.

Thanks to everyone who made this past week's run of shows possible. We had great turnouts and it looks as if Benny, Adam, Frankie and I will be doing this a couple times a year. We managed to raise some money for Liga Mac and get in front of a lot of new faces.
A book and music distributor here in Baja came out to the show on Thursday and was excited about distributing the disc throughout the peninsula after checking us out..... nice.

We did three shows all quite different and rehearsed just a few hours. I was lucky to get in touch with Frankie Mares of the band Troker, who are quite popular in Mexico and very much so in Guadalajara. A week or so prior to the shows, the drummer I had lined up decided he was going to send me a list of ridiculous requests and just generally act like an asshole. So at the last minute we were able to get Frankie to come over from Guadalajara and play. We all got along really well and it looks as if we might head over to Guadalajara and Mexico City for some shows in the fall.
The first night we played Havana, a jazz club across the street from the Sea of Cortez here in San Jose. It served as a nice warm up for the other two shows and a chance for everyone to run the tunes in front of people. Next night we played outside on a terrace and people made use of the complimentary wine, got to watch the sun set and play guitar. By the end we had some ladies doing the lawnmower and sprinkler to the tune of "Ode to Billie Joe" .....
By the last night we were ripping. We played a short night , hour and a half or so, at El Moro, a bar I frequent here in San Jose, and I got to throw down some new and old tunes. It felt nice to be singing again. It served as a reminder that I have to continue to do this, writing, fighting the tendency to sleep as someone once said. Im not sure I have the armor to keep myself going in the face of placement, criticism, or the general cynicism of the current state of most arts, but this is what I do. It keeps me being. It can send me running or breaking, but all I ask is to be sent.
So Im headed back to Minneapolis this week to do some more recording. Just a couple days and we'll probably get a few tunes that I can mix while traveling and such. I'm hoping to finish everything up this summer and get it out. We've got great players and some songs I feel really good about so I think this one has all the tools to work.

Here's the set we played in El moro, more or less :

"4th of July"
"California Chaser"
"Unbreak the Morning"
"Full Moon Wheel"
"All Blues"
"Ode to Billie Joe"
"Man with No Country"
"La Paz"
"Cold Duck Time"
"Born by the Night"
"She Got Lonely on her Own"
"Crazy"
"Elijah"

The rest of the group for this week's shows arrives tomorrow and Im really looking forward to it. As much as I try to run from the desire to be performing in front of people, I need it. Songs don't feel complete until I play them out .... some songs hang around and never really get finished when you dont have the opportunity to get them in front of someone.
Anyhow, the band is Benny and Adam from the "baja" disc and a drummer named Frankie Mares, from the band "Troker", a Mexican group that is pretty well known. Its a fun bu busy thing to plan these shows down here, as clubs/etc. dont have much in the way of sound equipment or any sort of performances other than those of cover bands or dinner music. So we've lined up the boring logistics and now Im doing some last minute stuff on the charts and finishing up some writing. There's a few instrumental arrangements we're gonna do of popular songs that Im excited about as well.
Ill make sure to put pictures up here. Its going to be a nice week of music. Im thinking this will push me to get back performing regularly, something I've been thinking about recently.

I figured after 15 days in a hospital bed, giving my body plenty of time to rid itself of nicotine and the other toxins i I pump inside myself, it would be inexcusable to not quit smoking. Its been 5 weeks now and I am proud to say I have been able to abstain from the tempation to again pick up the life-shortening habit. There have been days where my body feels ready to jump from its skin-casing. I am more short fused than usual, and I ocassionally sweat at night. Aside from cravings and irritability, I feel better than I have in quite some time. My sense of smell and taste have returned and I have taken to exercising more frequently. One negative consequence, closely tied with the agitation, is the absolute absurd spike in my ADD tendencies. MY concentration is akin to that of an adolescent athlete in drama class. The nice thing is its resulted in the beginnings of a lot of new plans, songs, and so on. Whether they are to be finished, we'll see.

I remind myself of a few things to keep me quitting. One, I cannot waste the time spent thus far. Two, after spending time around doctors, needles, and machines, I'd like to spend as little of the rest of my life as possible in those situations. Its also nice to feel accomplishment in the region of the brain that used to produce shame and embarresment of my habit. Another being the affect smoking has on physical appearance. Bob Dylan and Tom Waits look gloriously rough, like they were born weathered. Jack Nicholson, Rodney Dangerfield, and a good percentage of the folks gathered around the office door ashtrays look just plain rough. Im not sure which side I would end up on, but in most things I'd say Im closer to the crew at the office ashtray than Bob Dylan, so it seems a chance not worth taking.
I get a little confused when I think of considering myself a non-smoker for the rest of my life. Smoking becomes part of our identity, we embrace that. Now I feel TOO good. I need to find something to rebel against myself, so be not surprised when you hear the results of the recording sessions we are doing in April. The guitars will be loud and Im gonna sing to piss myself off. Somewhere I'm gonna find that rebellion is not synonymous with self-destruction.

I like big sounds. Little guitars occasionally breaking the wind between my ears and the soft front of the speaker. Tender bells cradling listening imagination, played by sleeping schoolchildren in the vodka rain. And there is a dust soaked house on a November road sitting underneath the windbent tree ashes of fall. Its wood floors gentle as the strings of a guitar, shaked and scraped by the legs of grandmothers and granddaughters. I could rest here in the arms of this music. Be left to the wings of melody. Let my eyes kick about the walls of chords and drum sounds, cymbal tapping, to anywhere. I get a little scared to let my thoughts swing about like city kids in this tiny life I live, I fall from the bridge of imagination to the rust metal train tracks of worry.

...of the hospital. Hi friends. As I think most of you know, I had an
emergency appendectomy 15 days ago in Mexico. I am now recovering and
finally out of the hospital after some complications and such. I'm looking
forward to getting back to teaching and sun in the next couple weeks, but
for now I am in Kansas City receiving outpatient care from some great
doctors and reacquanting myself with the city I grew up in. Its a bit
nostalgic.
I cant thank all of you enough for your support and I apologize for not
being able to respond to your emails and let you know how I was for the
past days. I assure you Im up on it and coming back with the renewed vigor
I'd hope you'd expect. Following is an unnecessarily graphic and
long-winded recap of the past weeks events, so feel free to skip or skim
and know I'm on the mend if you're not up for it.

thanks
Todd

-- 3 weeks ago I was diagnosed with salmonella. 3 days, 2 perscriptions,
and 1 aching abdomen later, I headed back to the small but able Medica Los
Cabos hospital in worse shape. They dripped a little liquid into me,
sending me napping into a thousand feathered arms, did some tests, and
found that I had a ruptured appendix and emergency surgery was needed.
Think knives, not tubes.
When they opened me up they found my useless appendix had finally
found one; poisoning my body. My appendix was green as a garden snake,
dead as the middle ages, and flooded in a sea of filth. They removed the goods and stitched me up in a longer than anticipated, but succesful surgery.
After a few days of mechanical beds and progress, the infections
produced by the aforementioned puss made it clear their intentions
were not of retreat and complications arose. I actually was released from the hospital for a couple hours, but had to return quite quickly. Turns out my infectious insides had shut themselves down, from stomach on down, and I was filled with all sorts of things not meant for filling. Tubes were placed places tubes are unwelcome, namely nostrils, more tests, and it was decided a few more days in the hospital and antibiotics could clear me up.
Clear up I did not, and after talk of additional surgery to clear intestinal blockage in Mexico (not the blockage, the surgery), it was decided it would be best to test the tender cradle of an American hospital. Because my condition would not allow me to fly commercially, I was sent from Cabo to Kansas City on a small MedJet "air ambulance",
strapped in tightly. This flight was made possible by the care and foresight of my parents, as they purchased a nice fancy emergency insurance plan when I moved out of the country. Lucky indeed.
So after 8 days at Medica Los Cabos I arrived at St. Joseph's hospital in Kansas City, Missouri and another bed that plugs into the wall.
Some more tests found that I had some fluid near the surgery incision. It was decided that, with the help of enough Pencillin to shatter Al Gore's dreams of reforesting the rainforest, I would fight it on my own. I spent 6 days in the hospital in Kansas City under quality care and improved rapidly. After a few days I was able to begin taking down solid foods for the first time in nearly two weeks.
Today I was discharged from the hospital and will be undergoing outpatient care here in Kansas City for at least a week as they keep an eye on the fluid that collected in my lower regions and continue to
administer antibiotics. They did leave me with the nice souvenier of an IV in my upper left arm so I can administer my own meds. I left them with the nice souvenier of 23 pounds or so. I weigh 139.6 lbs right now, eek, but Im going to make use of every Barbecue joint in town.
All in all, I am feeling well and relieved after a couple long weeks. I still have some recovering to do, but am on on way -ay-ay. Should my innards continue to function and my health stay where it is, I'll be able to get back to Mexico in a couple weeks.

Thanks again for all of your positive thoughts. It has been really humbling receiving your messages, as well as the care of family and friends in Cabo and Kansas City.

I hope this finds everyone well and I miss seeing all of you. I assure you I am well and can't wait to get back to all the things I appreciate now
more than ever.

Todd

Hope everyone is well. The weather here flipped back to its appropriate winter temperatures today, and I hear its the same in Minnesota, though with the mercury headed the other direction. I finished a song last night that I like thus far, though that can wane quickly. Its called "I was fooled by all the light". It held true, as today was one of those days where my thoughts were being spit about like a loose leaf in wind, from past mistakes, some manufactured by thought, to the ever unworthy "where am I gong with this...". Its best to just let those pass I think.
I think maybe its the manic nature of completing a project or whatever, this one being our new album. Once the writing, vision, etc. has kind of left you to go about its own unpredictable course, you feel kind of left with your hands fumbling about. So I have been working on a bunch of new stuff as we get the appropriate venues and players to go out and promote "Baja". I really don't like that part of it. I have a guit complex about people buying my music, though I'm growing more convinced that is entirely silly. Once all that other stuff starts creeping into the artistic side of things it feels ugly. Its nice being able to go teach the 3rd and 4th graders in the morning and watching them just create, most often with little inhibition or intent other than enjoyment, fun, etc... I finished up my day with a weekly lesson that is generally not one of my most well-received, but got through it.
I came home to my newly acquired American cable and decided I was going to relax. The television did not offer relaxation. Lots of hostility on those news channels. Its amazing how innefective these people are at finding answers of any sorts, yet how effectively they craft a way to infect your way of thought with their agendas. Now I am watching Wayne's World 2 in hopes of something completely quieting, though I guess Im writing this at the same time, thinking about money, etc. Well that naked Indian just appeared in Wayne's dream and I love the scene where the doubles go to visit the roadie in England. See you soon and try to only burn our new disc out of infatuation and a desire for multiple copies.... thanks for reading.

This morning I just had a couple classes at school, 5th and 6th graders. I talk a lot about song with them and we listen to all sorts of stuff, though their favorites are Black Eyed Peas, Green Day, and the only non-ranchero stuff you can buy at the local supermarket’s electronic section. So today I decided to start them writing their own. We did it by everyone starting with mindwebs (or appropriate synonym) of song topics. Their ideas put mine to shame. I was thinking they’d come up with stuff love, friends, mom and dad, clothes, cell phones, Hannah Montana…. What we got made kindling out of my expectations..

Imagine a nice elliptical oval in the middle of a blank white, print ready page, with the word “temas (song themes)” written inside it. Out from that are lines of varying degree of linear quality to ovals smaller in size. Inside those smaller ovals, often with stray eraser ash, are themes such as “Elvis the snake eating a pig”, “Super flash the magic train that takes me to school and back to my house”, “In the forest searching for a puma”, “In the middle of the night (I woke up and was hungry, so had some pickles”, “my family (then connected to another littler oval) is nice because they keep me from being alone”, “Billie Joe Armstrong is sexy”. The magic continued and the kids were concentrating, etc. It was as rewarding a day as I’ve had in the school. I felt really close to these kids, seeing them pull song from their minds.
So Im sitting here now thumbing through the possibilities that I may have some issues passing on from my youth, for better or worse. They just want to create. Have something their own. Similar. They just need a few tools. Give ‘em to them and inspiration and send them on their way. They can’t wait to be tripped up by idea and wonder. If you hang on to that too long, you’re bound to get lost, if you lose it, you’re bound to be stiff as flagpole in winter.

And it feels nice. Something borrowed me from a normal week's routine and spit a bunch of songs from me this week. Its the best stretch of writing Ive done since I can remember, though it is true memories of the Rusty Trombone days could be considered short in supply, so take that as you will. I'm more or less clueless as to where it all came from. I didnt feel particulary inspired by anything. Just felt like writing a lot. And I got some good stuff out of it. I think its maybe a little dangerous to really inquire as to why and where this all worked out, so I'll just hope it happens again.
When I was 21 or so I remember writing the same. One idea would carry itself into a song in just a few minutes. I was unashamed and dedicated. The dedication piece never waned, though the shame may have, which could be heard in the songs, their clarity, their purpose. This new batch of material also afforded me the vision to address some older songs that needed to be touched up and more deliberate. I like where they ended up. Really spending time with your songs, writing, business, whatever is like spending time with a lover. You have to tend to them to keep them giving back what you ask for.

Here's some new titles you'll see coming about on the next disc I am going to record, probably March 2007. Will be recorded in a similar manner to "Baja"
"This Love is Not like Anyone's"
"Kaylee in the Hours of the Light of the Moon"
"Little Eyes"
"Its Getting Hard to Make it Outside"
"Ketchum, Get In Line"

Somewhere in our nurture we really take a liking to lists. Here's a list of ten songs I fall hard for. I went for the less known of favorites for the sake of interest. Post your own if you'd like.

Ted Hawkins "Sorry You're Sick"
-- Ted Hawkins was a Venice Beach boardwalk singer and was discovered and undiscovered multiple times by the music industry. He spent a lot of his life incarcerated. When I first heard this song I didn't know his story, but it adds to the folklore. He howls to a down lover "what do you want from the liquor store?" as if a plea and a certain answer to her woes. He is all his own, and knows better. That battle comes across in each chord or note sung.

Air "La Femme D' Argent"
-- I was 19 or so when I came across this song and I have not passed a chance to listen since. The bassline sends me places. It's mood music that transcends mood.

Bill Frisell "Gimme a Holler"
-- Off his "Nashville" disc. The melody repeats itself because its perfect. The song asks for nothing.

Wilco "Radio Cure"
-- "All distance has a way of making love understandable". Tis it.

Bob Dylan "Seven Curses"
-- I was late coming to Bob Dylan. Maybe 20 or so. This song was the reason. I think its only on his Bootleg series 1-3. Its a study in why simplicity is important and honest. He lets everything be said for him. He is nothing, the song is everything, like it was.

Leaonard Cohen "Bird On a Wire"
-- "Like a bird on a wire, like a drunk in a midnight choir, i have tried, in my way, to be free". Its the letter everyone wishes they could write before they die.

Tom Waits --"Make it Rain", "Day After Tomorrow"
-- I can't pick just a few favorites but the contrast between these two songs, and their similarities, paints a better picture of why I love Tom Waits than I can describe here. "Make It Rain" is everything I love about the liberties of expression.

Leon Russell "Out in the Woods"
-- His voice eternally as if he's speaking through a cigarette, he's the real south to me, a man from the north. His songwriting is perfect and completely unstrained.

The Verve "Bittersweet Symphony"
-- I don't care, it kills me. Violins.

Beck "Sexx Laws"
-- Beck's personality for whatever reason is really wearing on me, but this song brings me back. "I want to defy, the logic of our sex laws"

Others... "Lady Madonna", Mahavishnu Orchestra, etc.......

Hope everyone is doing well. Send thoughts on your favorite songs if you'd like.

Somewhere in our nurture we really take a liking to lists. Here's a list of ten songs I fall hard for. I went for the less known of favorites for the sake of interest. Post your own if you'd like.

Ted Hawkins "Sorry You're Sick"
-- Ted Hawkins was a Venice Beach boardwalk singer and was discovered and undiscovered multiple times by the music industry. He spent a lot of his life incarcerated. When I first heard this song I didn't know his story, but it adds to the folklore. He howls to a down lover "what do you want from the liquor store?" as if a plea and a certain answer to her woes. He is all his own, and knows better. That battle comes across in each chord or note sung.

Air "La Femme D' Argent"
-- I was 19 or so when I came across this song and I have not passed a chance to listen since. The bassline sends me places. It's mood music that transcends mood.

Bill Frisell "Gimme a Holler"
-- Off his "Nashville" disc. The melody repeats itself because its perfect. The song asks for nothing.

Wilco "Radio Cure"
-- "All distance has a way of making love understandable". Tis it.

Bob Dylan "Seven Curses"
-- I was late coming to Bob Dylan. Maybe 20 or so. This song was the reason. I think its only on his Bootleg series 1-3. Its a study in why simplicity is important and honest. He lets everything be said for him. He is nothing, the song is everything, like it was.

Leaonard Cohen "Bird On a Wire"
-- "Like a bird on a wire, like a drunk in a midnight choir, i have tried, in my way, to be free". Its the letter everyone wishes they could write before they die.

Tom Waits --"Make it Rain", "Day After Tomorrow"
-- I can't pick just a few favorites but the contrast between these two songs, and their similarities, paints a better picture of why I love Tom Waits than I can describe here. "Make It Rain" is everything I love about the liberties of expression.

Leon Russell "Out in the Woods"
-- His voice eternally as if he's speaking through a cigarette, he's the real south to me, a man from the north. His songwriting is perfect and completely unstrained.

The Verve "Bittersweet Symphony"
-- I don't care, it kills me. Violins.

Beck "Sexx Laws"
-- Beck's personality for whatever reason is really wearing on me, but this song brings me back. "I want to defy, the logic of our sex laws"

Others... "Lady Madonna", Mahavishnu Orchestra, etc.......

Hope everyone is doing well. Send thoughts on your favorite songs if you'd like.

I had to get something up to push the previous musing further down the page.
Tomorrow I've got the 6th graders at the Colegio Mission singing "Let it Be". They love it and I love hearing them sing it. The accent makes it that much more endearing. Someday I'd love to lay claim to a song that transcended both time and place in its appeal and message. Actually, I'd just love to hear something new come out that seems it could do so. I think we're either too apathetic or the opposite, over-engaged, too let something let "Let it Be" come out of ourselves. I'll post some pictures when all is said and done.
If anyone has any writing they want to post, I'd love to have it here. We've got an extra page for them.

My intent in writing this is to be sans pretention, though this subject is nasty and any writing of it is immediately regarded as some sort of political partisan chest pounding. I hope we can disregard that. Its a dangerous topic to consider yourself privy of writing of.
I was in London with my friend Matt when the first bombs dropped in Baghdad. My thoughts sitting in a hostel watching Baghdad buildings explode were of complete acceptance.... ok, here we go, knew it was coming, blah. They made it so easy to buy, regardless of weapons of who cares, etc. This is what we do, we police, ok, fine. Despite my late night insistence that this was going to be a disaster and wrong on many a account, for whatever reason, I truly always felt like I was wrong. The sales pitch was so absolute and deafening. I remember looking around the lobby, adorned by a short-a-few balls pool table, and observing the faces of the mostly Spaniard staff. Their reaction was not of anger, but just a general sense of "huh?".
A few days later we were in Amsterdam and I took a walk far later than I should have been taking a walk alone in that city. A lady passed me on the alleys-as streets mumbling "What the fuck is America doing", "its not your world to break","bastards", etc. I regarded her seemingly unprompted belligerence as something of a scizophrenic rant.
We were spit out and ushered like cattle by a foolish notion much more dangerous than the said lady's scamperings about. That wobbling lady, obviously unprepared to communicate her message in a effective manner (ahh yes, she was acting according to emotion.... she and us had that in common - )
Its no fun to talk about. Lets not tuck our responsibility under the mattres. Our country did it. Its a democracy and someone manipulated its good intentions. We are a lonely and needy people, ripe for the guiding.
We cannot drink as Americans anymore assuming there will be no hangover. Be careful of who we see as decent. Shit dressed in a suit sells good. Go to the local bar or turn on the TV Sunday morning and see it working. My hope is that our kids don't take what we did seriously.

I have found myself quite happy here in Mexico, which I can consider quite a feat for myself. The unfortunate consequence of enjoying my time here is the inability to get out and play much in front of different audiences, buy a van, live in the cold, travel and play to clubs of 10 people, call crappy bars and spit out bullshit numbers about previous gigs in hope that they may grace me with the opportunity to play for 50 bucks and sing through broken microphones, watch newspapers annoint local favorites because of the thickness of the rims of their glasses, drink my liver gone, etc.... In all honesty though, I do miss scheduling shows and the hours before and after a performance where your body runs through all sorts of wonderful and terrifying emotions that I have found nowhere else. I remember a few distinct moments playing at Fine Line where my adrenaline was flapping quite nicely. I think we had it down pretty well towards the end where we would just play once every couple months. Every show serves as a reminder of why you're interested in doing such. What I've realized is that making a band a business is just not possible for me. What happens when you try to take care of all the other aspects (booking, recording, bills, etc.) is your output suffers in quality and quantity and your intentions get lost and become more aimed at validation than quality.... at least this was the case for me. Validation begins to push and pull you from where you are, though I do believe there are some who come with a strong enough vision and will to withstand this (Jack White comes to mind as for recent examples)... but I'm just not one of them.
So, what is working for me now is keeping at a distance from everything except the writing and practicing. Of course this negates the possibility of "succesful" business as of now, but it offers me better health and creative ambition. Unfortunately I cannot stay away from this terrible desire I have to write and explain the things I feel to myself. Its really the only way I know how to make sense of things, through the abstract. The obvious just doesn't do it. When I read or write something, I want to be struck by the boot of a soldier and slapped by the hands of billionaires. Well.... I'm not sure where I am now, so , here are the songs that I'm considering for the new EP:
"Man with No Country"
"Grow Up Sometime"
"Elijah"
"4th of July"
"Carry Each Other Away"
"She Got Lonely On Her Own"
"Radio's Dead to Me"
"Heaven Makes Me Blind"
"Its Gonna Take Breaking You"
"Goodbye Robert"
"No Reason"
"In from Boston"
"We Came Running"
"When Cat Stevens Changed His Name"

A nice little piece I was sent by email. Its deep in the swamp of cnyicism, but carries some validity in its humor I believe.

"A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes
sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. While Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

My quick trip to Minnesota is wrapping up tomorrow morning after a few of the more productive days I can remember in a while. I had the opportunity to play with some great musicians recording a group of tunes I've been working on for quite some time. After spending quite a bit of time alone writing the tunes for this record and others to come, it was kind of an awakening to be back playing with a full band.... to enjoy the personalities, the exchange of ideas, etc... was really nice.
I traveled back guitar-less, amp-less, effect-less... just the music charts in hand... The result was a really "musical" experience, which always seems to get lost for me when I record. I end up flipping through effects, over over-dubbing, and fumbling about. The studio provides way too many possibilites for the fragile place song holds in my mind to withstand..... the songs and their intent seems to get lost. So I decided to take more of a jazz approach in terms of preparation as opposed to building the tunes instrument by instrument. It worked out really well... We ended up with 9 songs in 2 days... my songwriting has always been a bit eclectic (is unfocused a synonym?), but the live feel keeps some continuity going and allows a bit of variability in genre. But this record was to be focused and I think it is, all instrumental and melodic. I'm making plans to come back in a couple months and take care of some of the older songs with a similar approach. Come to Mexico and see some shows.

A friend sent me this collection of Ayn Rand quotable moments...
“It does not matter that only a few in each generation will grasp and achieve the full reality of man’s proper stature—and the rest will betray it. It is those few that move the world and give life its meaning—and it is those few that I have always sought to address. The rest are no concern of mine; it is not me or The Fountainhead that they will betray: it is their own souls.”

“Anything may be betrayed, anyone may be forgiven, but not those who lack the courage of their own greatness.”

"Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps, down new roads, armed with nothing but their own vision."

"There is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist."

"Don't work for my happiness, my brothers--show me yours--
show me that it is possible--show me your achievement--
and the knowledge will give me courage for mine."

“A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others”

here's where these took me - email response
.. thanks a lot for these. I need to read more. All these quotes are reason proof. They operate blind to the one who wrote them…..
I was reading a bit about her background and such. I’ve always been interested in the circumstances that lead to “greatness”. More often than not, that thing is fostered by circumstances we cannot manufacture. By the time Ayn Rand was 20 I’m willing to bet she knew more what it felt like to be honestly human, and at the mercy of humans, than we may ever know.
……. listening to a collection of 4 50 to 60 year old men talking about lot sizes, trashing their friends’ wives, and drinking up their 50-teens. They seem miserable despite what appears to be a luxurious and financially prosperous life. “I really really want to avoid that cynicism and self-entitlement”, I think as I sit and display a cynicism of the early life type. But I believe nothing outside of death to be inevitable. We are solely at the mercy of ourselves should we choose it to be that way. So I have little sympathy for these wallowers. We are the operators. We can fix ourselves just as easy as we all seem to lose ourselves, with help from others or not. The problem is that we are taught to be desperate and needy, as opposed to actually experiencing true desperation. The geater number of our adolescent experience does not prepare us to make us of our potential. We engage in entertainment, find importance in things that are not such, because we need to feel significant. Maybe this is why greatness seems to often come from circumstances on the rougher side of life. When that has been seen and felt, we realize we do indeed have nothing whatsoever to lose as humans on this planet. It also opens our eyes to the sometimes absurd actions and reasoning of our fellow man. For that, we begin to only trust what we know, rather than the distant ramblings of comfort. That’s where I come back to what Ive been reading of Ayn Rand… her view that the human is a hero and is to be judged by his output. It feels perfect. It does not specify what output should be deemed credible or commendable, but rather inspires one to respect its opportunity of a life. To use themselves for themselves, which in the end carries the possibility of something far greater. We become what we make ourselves, and even then we can change direction should we be willing to. Well now I’m just thinking in this email and trying to come up with sentences to bring some cohesion to my thoughts, so I’ll stop…..

I've been teaching a lot here in Mexico. Aside from the classroom, I now have guitar, piano, and drum students ranging 4 nationalities and ages 8 to 46. It has renewed in absolute fashion my respect for music, its quality, and the discipline required to create. I have left the cafeteria of the disenchanted observer, I hope.

Anyhow, the kids bring in CDs ranging from "High School Musical" to Green Day, to Black Eyed Peas, to Coti, to traditional Ranchero music. What I try to convey to them in class is that all this music comes from the same language, from the same human needs, and requires similar discipline to create. Leave the images associated with genres, sales pitches, etc.... and hear how the music is built. Rhythm, Harmony, Melody. I have them singing major scales to warm up, insisting that even Billy Joe
Armostrong once had to do the same to be able to write "Wake Me Up When September Ends". Rock stars are musicians, not vice versa I tell them...
In the end they really just want to run around dancing, mimick some of their heroes, and enjoy the break in their traditional subject studies, but they also leave with a sense of awe for the joy of music, the uncontrollable flappings it creates in the body.... and I leave reattached to the memory of why I started this journey in the first place.

Sometimes my jaw falls hellward in amazement at the preciseness of the things people say. I think we all need other people to explain what it is... its far too intricate for us to dictate ourselves; we're in it - all full of reactions and placements.
the following thoughts make me feel like there's a party in my mind. I love them....

"Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae."
Kurt Vonnegut

"Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile!"
Kurt Vonnegut

"People seem to need tragic strangers in their lives. They'll superimpose tragedy when there's nothing to prevent them."
-Dennis cooper from "God Jr."

"What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do."
Bob Dylan

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."
Henry David Thoreau

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."
Mark Twain

"The dignity of the artist lies in his duty of keeping awake the sense of wonder in the world. In this long vigil he often has to vary his methods of stimulation; but in this long vigil he is also himself striving against a continual tendency to sleep."
Marc Chagall

"Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible. I think it's in my basement... let me go upstairs and check."
M. C. Escher

"There's a party in my mind, and I hope it never stops"
David Byrne (thanks Scotty Moe)